I took the month of December off for personal reasons. I was purging negativity from my life.
I went through my closets and started getting rid of clothing that no longer fit, had worn out it's welcome.
I was baking a lot and only wanted a slice but my co-workers enjoyed it.
I felt that I was going through a writer's block and the words couldn't come out.
It hit me like a brick it was December. It would be the time to reflect on my life and had I grown.
It was the time of year where the grieving started again and it had been 12 years since she passed.
I felt that the world was going to swallow me up and spit me out and I wasn't ready!
I haven't been going to church where I am able to normally go and get rejuvenated. The silly reason
they changed the time , it was only supposed to be for the summer, and it went past that . I was protesting.
The only one that I was hurting was myself because I needed the word of encouragement, the word of
guidance, and the word to tell me where to go next. I felt lost! Does anyone else go through this?
As an outgoing person I had been becoming more and more an introvert. Not wanting to deal with
people wanting to challenge me because I had nothing to prove to them. Not wanting to deal with crowds.
Not wanting to dress up and put on heels these were things that I had once loved to do.
So reality slapped me up side my head and said snap out of it !.
My first step was to pray on it. I prayed that those who loved me would support me. Those who were
trying to be users would be removed. I prayed to let go of things that weren't worth holding on to.
I started watching less television and spending more time reading. Something that I loved to do as a child.
I then started planning outing with friends that I had stopped being around and realized that they were also
going through a storm . We were both coming out on the other side and ready to live life to the fullest.
Trips are being planned for 2019. Heels are being ordered to replace the Nike's in the closet.
Church service is going back to the time that I preferred to go. Resume is being updated with all the new
experiences that I have learned. The wall that I had put up to protect my heart is lowering to take risks and
I have gone through each room of my home to declutter. I have a freeing feeling that has come over myself
and it might sound passe' but its a fresh start and that's all it takes. Sometimes we go into a funk and can't
figure out why . It could be that we are overwhelmed, overworked, or just needing to take a mental break.
December is the month that my Mother passed 12 years ago and I know it like clock work that I will
feel sad, on top of that my sibling had gotten sick and my job was going to a reorganization. I am still here
I made it through all of it without a scratch. I feel alive again and for the first day of the new year I am looking
forward to new beginnings! Here's to a fresh start !
Submitted by :
Blessed Poet Pat
aka Patricia A. Saunders
Author, Poet, Blogger