More Than A Tree

More Than A Tree


I sit here in the dark

Looking at the space that I want to have the tree placed

So many emotions are going through me that I have to just exhale

I have gone through thousands of pictures

Christmas was her favorite holiday

I got the confirmation by seeing the glimmer in her eyes

I can remember all the foods that she would slave over the stove to cook

Everything had to be just right for her family

Everyone would travel near and far to be home with her for Christmas

As she aged and got fragile I became the strong one

Christmas dinners were at my home, trying to replicate all the dishes that everyone ate

A artificial tree was erected and gifts were placed underneath

Taking pictures and seeing her laugh was priceless

Its been ten years since I put a tree up

She got sick two weeks before

The doctor promised that she would be home in time for Christmas

He lied!

My sister brought a small tree and decorated it in the hospital for her


I stayed in a recliner chair next to her bed Christmas Eve and held her hand

Looking into the most beautiful eyes that of my Mother as she slowly closed them and went to sleep

Praying that she would be okay and be home 

We all brought her gifts to the hospital

My friend invited me to dinner and it was nothing like the Christmas my family shared

Inside I was crying but I stayed away from the hospital that day because my sister thought it was best

It was the last Christmas and nobody knew

We were told afterward that Mother was dying

Not another tree went up in my home

Year after year I brought gifts and laid them in front of the fireplace

I decorated the dining room table with Christmas bulbs  and no one questioned where the tree was

This year I feel different as though she whispered in my ear while I slept it's okay to let go

I can  celebrate her favorite holiday

I can have the tree this time it will be a real live tree

I am going to decorate it special

I have a angel topper to place on top

Yes Momma I feel you in my spirit and I know

It's time to let go of the pain and live again