Grief

What made me write was the death of my mother!

I had so many emotions pinned up that I felt I was in it alone and no one could understand. I took out my

journal and the words bled onto the pages. Flooded by tears I went through not just grieving her, I

went back to my childhood and memories that I had hid in the back of my mind came forth. I grieved

a part of myself that I left in Connecticut, I grieved relationships that were gone, and I grieved a job that was

my life.

I wrote so much until my family begged me to stopped. I was drowning in my grief and I needed to come

back. It was through the ministers at my church that prayed for me, called me,  on occasion had me to

come out of the house and talk. Talking through my feeling that I had lost my mother on my watch!

I had prepared all appointments, I had taken her to the doctors, and yet I was caught off guard. She

had Alzheimer's, I remember the doctor saying if she wants cheesecake let her have it, and I was like

okay but I didn't know it was because she was leaving us.


I literally took my mother to the hospital and expected her to be home before Christmas . Instead my Mother

passed on December 30th, and the world became a blur.


There are 7 stages of grief and I went through them all : Denial, Guilt, Anger, Depression, Upward turn,

Working through it, and finally Acceptance 13 years later.

There were things that I promised myself  I would purchase another home, I would travel to places that my

parents never visited, and I would complete my list of things before I die. I had to have a goal at the end to

look forward to.

The holidays, birthdays and anniversaries are the hardest moments because the feelings well back up in my

spirit. I have to take the journal out, let the words flow until the pen stops, and appreciate that I was blessed

to be her daughter.

They said this too shall pass but when you love someone the feeling of grief will arise over time it's now how

you deal with it that makes the difference.


Blessings,
Patricia A. Saunders

Biography of Patricia A. Saunders

Award Winning Author, Poet, Speaker Patricia A. Saunders was born and raised in Connecticut before relocating to the San Francisco Bay Area nearly 26 years ago. She received her Master’s in Management from the University of Phoenix in 2011. After the passing of her mother who had Alzheimer’s, Patricia decided if she inherited the disease she wanted her words to be her legacy and that all the words that she kept to herself were to be released.

Her work has been featured on a Coast to Coast Book Tour at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books, Toronto Word On The Street, Sacramento Black Book Fair, Tucson Book Festival, Miami International Festival of Books and AARP Life@50+ Spring Convention. Recently she was chosen among 100 authors from around the United States to participate in the Author’s Pavilion at the 2018 Congressional Black Caucus Convention in Washington, DC.

She is a monthly blogger of her own blog Blessed & Curvy who covers today’s hot topics. Also she is certified speaker with the Professional Woman Network for Women’s Issues & Diversity.

She released her first self published book Through the Fire (March 2012) which covered emotions from situations, circumstances, and life lessons that have influenced her over her lifetime. On a mission to complete a book a year in case she inherits the ugly disease she released her second book Loving Me (2013) and third Let It Rain (2014) which is also self published and covers various topics from love, grief, self image, self esteem, bullying, and discovery of self love .Her fourth book (2016) This Too Shall Pass was released by AuthorHouse Publishing and readers have given it a five star rating. The book was inspired from three note cards she received after the passing of her mother when she felt like giving up on life, on the brink of losing her home and being unemployed that encouraged her to live for those who loved her. Her fifth book was released by Book Baby Publishing (2017) There Is Sunshine After The Rain a non-fiction novel that includes poetry is birthed after the tenth anniversary of her Mother’s passing, the reality that with every lesson that she has experienced through life that there is a reason, there are tests that all are faced with, but it’s how you respond. Saunders chose poetry and nonfiction to let the readers know the thought process behind the poetry, tools to help others who may face the same circumstances, and it builds a relationship further between the author and those reading her words.

Patricia is a Supervisor in Silicon Valley, in her spare time she enjoys to travel, wine tasting, and spending time cooking for friends and family.